Um.... Holy crap!

The title is, of course, the first thing I said this morning because I had, at just that moment, flipped over today's page in my crochet calendar to find this:





Can you blame me?

I spent several minutes thinking my crochet calender had flown completely over the edge of the Cliffs of Insanity and looking forward to the crazyness to come when I realized that this page also covers the first, April Fool's Day.

Oh, well.

I guess there's still hope that this is just a coincidence. These are the people who brought us Baby Abraham Lincoln, after all.

There is a real update coming. I'm just trying to decide which project to talk about.

P.S. I've just been informed that the guy in this picture looks like an uncle of mine. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

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More patterns for your amusement

I know, I'm supposed to be telling you how my sweater deconstruction is going, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm working on it. For now, here's a couple more patterns from my crochet calender.


This one is almost so awful it's awesome. I love everything about it. Look at that. Memoirs of a Bratty Geisha? Brilliant! Obviously the Geisha pictured is none other than Hatsumomo.

I kind of wonder, why a Bratz doll? You'd think Barbie would be more the Geisha type. Bratz is commonly regarded as her low-rent cousin. I don't know if you ever read Memoirs, but if Barbie were a Geisha, I think Bratz would be the ones who tie their obis in the front, if you know what I mean. (*wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*)

But somehow that just makes this pattern even more fun for me. Honestly, if I knew any little girls who played with Bratz dolls I'd consider making this. I'd consider buying a Bratz doll myself just so I could do this if I had a hope of getting the right yarn. Sadly, the pattern just tells you the brand of yarn to get and not the size, and as you know my town is not great for finding yarn. Oh well.




I obscured the actual crochet instructions here because the pattern is so short that to just post the picture as-is would be pretty much to post the pattern, and that's not right. Pattern designers have to eat, even if their patterns are... kinda weird.

So what we have here is a pattern for a very tiny bra. I don't know how small it really is, but it would be too small for a person to wear. I don't know if it would be small enough for our bratty Geisha to wear or not and I don't plan make the thing to find out. On the back of the pattern is a short poem on the virtues of bras and friendship. Because this isn't just any bra. It's a friendship bra. Whatever the hell that's supposed to be.

I just don't understand anything about this one.

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You're not making it better, people!

So I got one of those Pattern-a-day calenders this year. The implication that they have 365 patterns is pretty much false, since some patterns are long enough that it takes a few days to display all the pages and Saturdays and Sundays share a page. I can live with that, though. Also, so far I haven't seen any patterns for anything I actually want to make, but that's ok. The year is still young.

But you know what? There is a reason that crocheters are sometimes assumed to be weird old ladies, and this is it:



Goodness. Who would make this? If you actually see somebody trying to put this on their baby, a call to Child Protective Services may be in order. No wonder some kids grow up to hate their parents.

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